About Me

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My life is a crazy, unpredictable, jumbled mess of fun. Each day creating adventures and stories that will last a lifetime 

Friday, September 9, 2011

I like me - who knew?

A while ago I was having some major headaches, coupled with blurred vision, dizziness and speech stutters. I ran for my doctor.
My family has no history of tumors, in fact my family seems to favor heart issues. No matter that brain tumors are no where on my family tree I still ran to my doctor.
In one day I saw my doctor in the morning and had an MRI in the afternoon.

Go ahead ask me what they saw on the tests...
My brain is beautiful! LOL
Yup that's right she said the words beautiful and perfect when referring to MY BRAIN!

I can joke now, but for one whole week while I waited to see my doctor I was worried. I worried about going in for surgery. I worried about what they might have to cut through.

You see my brain is not like most peoples. I mean that literally. I am a global thinker. I use both sides of my brain and have since childhood. I am ambidextrous. I can write and use both my hands for all tasks. When I played baseball I was a switch hitter. When I play catch with my son I favor my left hand.

Before I fired my shrink, she said that it was my brain that had kept me from going insane already. That I was handling and coping with more drama and emotional stress. Because of how my brain functions I was taking on more than most people can handle.

So when I was faced with the possibility of having a tumor I began to worry about what cutting into my brain might do to one like me.
What it might do to my personality.

In a panic I called my BFF (Tired Mom). My biggest worry? What if I turned NICE?
Now for those that don't understand that statement. I love my snarky ways. I love having an edge. Sharp wit is my friend. I find my sometimes malicious sense of humor slightly delicious and lets face it - you do to. Either that or this blog would be pretty flippin boring.

I know that most people when faced with having a tumor might worry about other things, but my major worry seriously was what might happen to my personality.
I like being me.
Even though being me is not easy and I don't have a ton of friends, those I do have, are the type of friends everyone wishes for. They really and truly have my back.

I used to be so alone. On the outside looking in. My core center of friends was at most 3 friends at a time. It doesn't matter though, I still like who I am. I like my stubbornness. My charisma. My bluntness. My inability to be fake. After years of berating myself - for constantly telling myself that it was my own fault and that if I changed I could have more friends, be more popular and have an easier life - guess what?

I don't want it.
I like my life the way it is.
I like me.

So with that revelation it was worth the worry, the stress and the fear of a possible tumor.
I am fine.
No I am better than fine, I am happy.

Turns out all I needed was sleep and to de-stress. My cluster headaches are gone and my sharp, rigid, inflexible, pig-headed, stubborn, one-sided, black and white personality is safely in tack.
Have I mentioned that all is right in the world?

3 comments:

Tired Mom said...

Whoo-hoo! Amen to that! I love my friend just the way she is! =D

High Heeled Life said...

I'm so happy that all turned out well . You are blessed to have such wonderful friends (some times fewer is better ..) Pre-accident I had a HUGE circle of "friends", well lets just say that my circle has drastically lessened. Good news is my TRUE friends are still around and the ones that have left ... have made space for amazing new friends to enter my life.

Wishing you a wonderful week-end..xo HHL

Dawn Marie said...

lol, good to know you and your snarky self are okay.

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