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My life is a crazy, unpredictable, jumbled mess of fun. Each day creating adventures and stories that will last a lifetime 

Saturday, May 14, 2011

What has been Robbed? Or Blamed?

As many of my readers know that while I am not a mother of an Autistic child, I am the Aunt and Fake Aunt to several.
Yesterday I read two very disturbing posts. One made me angry and I wanted to go kick some... well some. The other has left me sad, morose and worse Prose.

Lets work on the worse and shortest blog first.

My BFF Tired Mom, who also writes an All things All the time Autism blog named Speaking on the Spectrum, was recently told that ITS HER FAULT that her two precious children have Autism!

Now I grant you. she and I talk a lot about different things that might have effected her children, what Autistic parent doesn't wonder that? We mostly agree that it might be in either the DNA or the genetic material linking the DNA.
It could also be pollution messing with our molecules and scrambling the DNA around a bit. I don't know and neither does she, we like everyone else in the world, just speculate.

So in her defense and the defense of any other special needs child - UNLESS YOU CAN GIVE 100% PROOF THAT ITS SOMEONES FAULT- SHUT THE HELL UP!

Next up is a blog from Fruity Pebbles for Dinner where she talks about the differences between saying "Autism robbed me of my son".
Some Autistic families feel this deeply. Others lash out remarking on what unique and wonderful children they have Autism included.

I answered her saying that from all my years watching from the outside, my hubby watching, teaching and working with (adults and children with special needs) we have found all special needs families to have one thing in common, one special link in the chain, one special need. The Need to be HEARD.

Be advised this is where the prose come in.

I have seen so much in fighting between parents of special needs children. Fighting over the use of words (cure/ heal/ fix/retard/ robbed/ fault...) fighting over whether to vaccinate or not, fighting over whether to go public or private. Wanting acceptance vs empathy. Fighting over what caused it in the first place.

I have heard more times that I can count, "I want my child to learn empathy." As well as, "I want others to treat my child with empathy."
So my question and worry is - If your not willing to show it and share it with someone who is going through the same battle, why would any one else?
If your not going to learn it, give it or display it - than should others give it to you?

You all talk about your Angels, your brave boys, but never about the crazy mama who wants everyone to get on HER band wagon when she has not time or compassion for anyone else - can't see that anyone else might have a different opinion because they have a different child?

Lets look at this another way. Each person is a piece of the puzzle. Each child on the spectrum is vastly different from the other one. So the place that one piece fits, is not the place that another fits.
If you try to cram the wrong piece into the wrong place you will not make a complete puzzle - Just a mess.

Yes your child needs you to fight for them, yes your child needs you more than anyone else. BUT what your going through and what your struggling with IS NOT what another family is going through. Their needs are NOT the same.

Its time we started listening to each other, its time the fighting stopped and the true healing started.
Does it really matter if they find a cure tomorrow? Not really. It will take years of research, testing and studies before it could ever really help.

So what matters is learning to CARE, really to truly care, about the others that are walking under the same banner, the same stigma, the same healthcare problems, the same school issues, reaching out listening without being rude and just CARE!

Fruity Pebbles for Dinner has the right to post a blog without apologizing for it at the beginning! Without trying to stave off an argument!

I have said this before, but sometimes it helps to have someone else say this for you (or in this case to you) it helps to have someone from the outside looking in. Someone who is not apart of the same part of puzzle but looking at it from a different angle and point of view.


Tired Mom said...

You are my HERO girl! I love you!

Blessed Rain said...

Hey I'm here for you and for all the other moms going through your insanity - although there are days I feel like were all still on the playground and I am telling everyone to play nice.

Dede said...

I LOVE IT! You make so many good points...and I absolutely love it! Thanks for your heartfelt and SPOT ON post!

Blessed Rain said...

Thanks Dede I know that instead of stepping on toes I am literally jumping on them - but its becoming so stinking bitter between its own people that its turning ugly.

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