A Path to Finding Me.

The title, A Path to Finding Me, may sound dramatic, I assure you though, I do not feel that way.

Somewhere along the path I lost myself - it was very easy to do, as I will explain in a minute. The hard part is digging "her" out and finding "her" underneath all the rubble.
6 years ago my mother died from heart failure (ps my uncle her brother had a heart attack last night and needs prayer as he is in bypass surgery as I type.)

Due to my mothers earlier and sudden death, I had to take care of some things before I was really and truly allowed to grieve. Three months of things should have been enough, instead I was helping my sister with her upcoming wedding and moving to another state. As well as trying to find a new place for my family to move as well.
My husband had also had his first surgery and was recovering from that at the time of her death.

Fast forward 9 months, my sister and father were both newly married to their SO's and we had finished unpacking into a horrible and yucky but cheap apartment. I SHOULD have been able to take time for myself and grieve, instead I got pregnant and my daughter started having severe asthma issues from where we were living.
So instead of grieving I started sleeping - ALOT. I stopped taking care of myself and didn't care.
By the time my son was born (painfully I might add)  I was deep in depression. Swirling into a deep dark vortex of pain and loneliness.

I managed.
I cooked, fed the kids, kept them clean and took care of the basic needs of my husband.
He could tell I was falling apart and didn't make huge issues of the mess and disaster that was my life.
I watched TV - ALL DAY LONG.

Then a laptop entered my life and I started blogging at Y360 (still miss that blog had over 400 followers and was apart of many groups)
I started cleaning - minimally, but it gave hope to my husband and myself that better times were coming.
We moved into a mobile home for the health of our daughter and I thought to myself - I will be happy here!
I was - sort of.

I cleaned, more often and made friends with the new neighbors. I started shopping and spending time with my BFF again.
I was no longer alone. I started trying to lose the weight - trying to care - WANTING to care.
I read a PSI Love You - which showed me that I was only surviving. I was not healed I was still in the edges of depression. I still needed help.

I started writing - I wrote all 3 of my books 100,000 words plus each in a matter of 9 months.
We moved again into my dream home with a ton of repair work. Work I really want to do! Battling everyday, though, to get out of bed is not helping.

So here I am, today. With my first day at Sanctuary of Healing and Integration, that's right I am finally getting mental help. They confirmed that I have Severe Depression & ADD. They also believe that only my ambidextrous(ness) has kept me from falling apart sooner. (as both sides of my brain work in harmony and I can use both hands for different tasks at the same time easily - this makes me both logical and creative!)

They have also recommend (besides my new fun meds) that I buy and follow, "Eat Right for your Type".
Where you eat for your blood type - just reading over the what I can and cannot have list explains why I am eating "healthy" and still not losing weight - in fact I have gained!

I may have to make the changes gradual and some will be interesting as the kids have a different type than I do and we will need to change their diet as well.
So if you hear alot about this book, my new therapy (my hubby goes their as well) or see radical changes in this blog - this is why.

This, as always, is me - the good, the bad, and the ugly. But since we are all friends here, its alright to be honest and real with each other right?

With Love,
Telisha aka Blessed Rain

I will write more on My Path to Finding Me as the days go by - as well as the sessions!

To see all of today's Path Read the above, then go to
The Me Factor At my Trying to get Published blog
Then onto
Our Relationship to Food At my Food blog

A word of warning ALWAYS read reviews before going to get help someplace - Sanctuary of Healing and Integration a year later (8/25/12) is still causing me grief for ever taking a step inside their door. I would NEVER recommend this place to anyone for anything.  

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